I never thought that I would feel scared about feeling happy.
I never thought that apprehension would kick in the moment I feel more energetic, more excited, more alive.
But now I do. I’m beginning to recognise the signs.
And I start to wonder if I will be thrown back into the cycle, circing higher and higher before I inevitably fall back down, lower than I’ve ever been before.
Because the low periods do get worse each time they come. A little bit of hope dissipates each time. Faith in justice and in fairness ebbs with each crash.
For now, I’m happy. Happier than I’ve been for months so I’ll take it. With apprehension.